Disconnect

Today has been a day full of disconnect.

I hate these days.
When I KNOW something in my head,
but I don't feel it or really believe it.
But I know it is true.

I don't know if other people have this problem.
I deal with it alot.
I remember last year from about November to February
I went through this with spiritual matters
I Knew that God loved me,
that he was there for me.
That he hadn't abandoned me.
But I felt so far away.

Around that time our worship leader David Walker put out a CD
and we sang one of his songs alot
"Lord I'm letting you know, I'm not letting you go"
I sang this so much.
And every time I would cry and cry,
I was clinging to that, that even though I felt alone
I had to cling to the the things I knew
and not the things I felt.

Today has been alot like that.
I seemed to be plagued with thoughts
Thoughts of insecurity, and loneliness.
I keep getting e-mails and messages and comments.
and every time I read one I start crying.
because I want to believe the things that are being said.
but right now I really don't.
I KNOW that I am not alone.
I KNOW that people love me.
I KNOW that I "pretty awesome"
but today I am having a hard time believing it.