What do you want to do with your life?
I honestly thought I was past the point of getting that question all the time, I mean I am heading towards turning 25... I figured at this point people would just let me live my life.
But in the past few weeks I have been asked many times "what do you want to do with your life?" "where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
I hate these questions. Not because I am avoiding the future, but because my answers are apparently never what people want me to say. People set out asking these questions with a "correct" answer in mind. And mine is never the one they want.
So what is my answer to the above questions?
"I don't know. I don't know where I am going to be or what I am going to be doing in 5 years. All I know is that I am where I am supposed to be right now in this moment in my life."
People always start arguing with me, "Well you need to prepare for the future" "Do you want to start your own business?" "how are you going to work your way up?"
Here's the thing.
I love my life. I have never been one to want "The American Dream" I am happy in my simple (probably to the majority of people, poor) little life. I don't mind driving an old car or working an hourly job. I am not trying to "work my way up the ladder"
I am content with my life. I love coffee, I love music, I love Greenville and I LOVE my family and friends. And I am just trying to live my life, bringing a little joy and happiness to other people's life.
"Loving God, Loving People" That is all I know.
And if that isn't enough for you, I am sorry. But I am not living my life to please you.
I don't know what the future holds, but I sure as heck plan on spending it with people I love. Who make me laugh, who challenge me but at the same time who love me for who I am. Even if that is just me being a little old barista, who spends her weekends volunteering at a local non-profit concert venue. Cause that is enough for me, I am happy.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Ridiculous
I was watching TV the other day...
And this commercial, this time for some lash-enhancing formula came on... you apply it to you lashes and they grow fuller thicker lashes... side-effects include "dry eyes, redness or itching of the eyes and pain and permanent discoloration of the eye." SERIOUSLY???
Later that day...
another commercial for some new oral acne medication came on (I don't remember the name), so it gets to the part where they talk about side-effects... "Tiredness, skin allergies, dizziness.. and may increase the risk of cancer." WHAT??? CANCER!!!
I mean I know this world is all caught up in "Beauty" and being "Flawless"
and that as women, we are pushed everywhere we turn to be skinnier, taller, more "perfect" and don't get me wrong; I am not saying make-up and skin care are all bad... anyone who know me, knows I wear make-up and even like wearing make-up.
But when being "beautiful" starts to be detrimental to my health... and possibly increasing my risk of getting CANCER that is a line I will NOT mess with.
It is ridiculous,
I wish that girls and women could find self-worth in more then just their looks.
Be beautiful, but know that being strong, intelligent, funny and full of joy is beautiful too.
And this commercial, this time for some lash-enhancing formula came on... you apply it to you lashes and they grow fuller thicker lashes... side-effects include "dry eyes, redness or itching of the eyes and pain and permanent discoloration of the eye." SERIOUSLY???
Later that day...
another commercial for some new oral acne medication came on (I don't remember the name), so it gets to the part where they talk about side-effects... "Tiredness, skin allergies, dizziness.. and may increase the risk of cancer." WHAT??? CANCER!!!
I mean I know this world is all caught up in "Beauty" and being "Flawless"
and that as women, we are pushed everywhere we turn to be skinnier, taller, more "perfect" and don't get me wrong; I am not saying make-up and skin care are all bad... anyone who know me, knows I wear make-up and even like wearing make-up.
But when being "beautiful" starts to be detrimental to my health... and possibly increasing my risk of getting CANCER that is a line I will NOT mess with.
It is ridiculous,
I wish that girls and women could find self-worth in more then just their looks.
Be beautiful, but know that being strong, intelligent, funny and full of joy is beautiful too.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl.
Most of the time I am fearless, strong, and almost too confident.
But there are days, when it all seems to fall apart.
My insecurity screams that I am not enough,
that everything I do, every decision I make is wrong.
I become that girl, who is scared of the world.
Ready to crumble and fall in a moment.
Fragile and fearful I am.
I think that I am not good enough, for the friends who surround me.
What do I have to give? What is the point?
I want to run and hide.
Crawl in my bed, and curl up...
Never to be seen again, I want to hide under the covers.
Sleep away the pain.
But I am not that girl.
Tis but a moment.
A moment I know will eventually pass.
Till then,
I have to remind myself that I AM wonderful.
I am NOT worthless.
I AM beautiful.
Till I believe these truths again
I let the music and words of better days wash over my soul.
My life is not just this moment.
But a beautiful quilt of many moments,
Most have yet to come.
So I sit and I wait,
Till I once again become the girl I know I really am.
Most of the time I am fearless, strong, and almost too confident.
But there are days, when it all seems to fall apart.
My insecurity screams that I am not enough,
that everything I do, every decision I make is wrong.
I become that girl, who is scared of the world.
Ready to crumble and fall in a moment.
Fragile and fearful I am.
I think that I am not good enough, for the friends who surround me.
What do I have to give? What is the point?
I want to run and hide.
Crawl in my bed, and curl up...
Never to be seen again, I want to hide under the covers.
Sleep away the pain.
But I am not that girl.
Tis but a moment.
A moment I know will eventually pass.
Till then,
I have to remind myself that I AM wonderful.
I am NOT worthless.
I AM beautiful.
Till I believe these truths again
I let the music and words of better days wash over my soul.
My life is not just this moment.
But a beautiful quilt of many moments,
Most have yet to come.
So I sit and I wait,
Till I once again become the girl I know I really am.
Monday, March 14, 2011
late night ramblings
How do you balance being informed and not being overwhelmed?
It is something I have been reminded about a lot here recently in the wake of yet another horrible heart wrenching disaster.
I have a very hard time balancing things like this, I used to be able to handle the weight of the world... filtering through, letting the things that needed to stick, stick. And letting the others go. But as I have gotten older, in the last two years of so... I have really had to distance myself from the more horrible things that go on around us.
I can't watch the news, or even really read about the horrors of life, whether the natural course of some (such as weather and storms) or the twisted sickness of others (murder, rape, slavery) I can very easily fall back into a apathetic state, I remember being in that place about two years ago... I didn't see the point, there is so much pain and suffering. What could I do that would make any difference?
So I choose to step back, I stopped keeping up with the things going on around me. I only knew of major issues because my Mom or a co-worker would mention it. I choose to live almost naively, trying to only see the good in the world.
But I don't necessarily know that stepping away and being unaware is the correct thing to do. We live in a time where information is at our fingertips, news is always in front of us. So how do we balance this complex situation?
I sat and watched videos like most of the world, seeing Japan broken and flooded... all I could do was cry, I just want to jump in and protect and save everything. I couldn't stop watching, my heart breaks for the pain and wreckage that is going on.
At some point I have to shut off the television and return to "real" life.
I guess I am just feeling useless, and kind of selfish for trying to continue with life when so many are in pain.
I am not looking for answers, I don't know that they exist... just wrestling with it all in my head.
It is something I have been reminded about a lot here recently in the wake of yet another horrible heart wrenching disaster.
I have a very hard time balancing things like this, I used to be able to handle the weight of the world... filtering through, letting the things that needed to stick, stick. And letting the others go. But as I have gotten older, in the last two years of so... I have really had to distance myself from the more horrible things that go on around us.
I can't watch the news, or even really read about the horrors of life, whether the natural course of some (such as weather and storms) or the twisted sickness of others (murder, rape, slavery) I can very easily fall back into a apathetic state, I remember being in that place about two years ago... I didn't see the point, there is so much pain and suffering. What could I do that would make any difference?
So I choose to step back, I stopped keeping up with the things going on around me. I only knew of major issues because my Mom or a co-worker would mention it. I choose to live almost naively, trying to only see the good in the world.
But I don't necessarily know that stepping away and being unaware is the correct thing to do. We live in a time where information is at our fingertips, news is always in front of us. So how do we balance this complex situation?
I sat and watched videos like most of the world, seeing Japan broken and flooded... all I could do was cry, I just want to jump in and protect and save everything. I couldn't stop watching, my heart breaks for the pain and wreckage that is going on.
At some point I have to shut off the television and return to "real" life.
I guess I am just feeling useless, and kind of selfish for trying to continue with life when so many are in pain.
I am not looking for answers, I don't know that they exist... just wrestling with it all in my head.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saving The Channel!
The Channel has been pretty my whole life for about 3 years now.
I got involved because I loved music, and had alot friends who played there.
I started volunteering back in 2008, I was poor and couldn't afford to be there as much as I wanted to. So I started volunteering and running the coffee bar.
I was there probably twice a week almost immediately. I just loved the people and atmosphere, as I spent more and more time it very quickly became a second home to me.
It was an incredible time, as I started helping Amanda was going back to work. It just ended up being a seamless transition of me being able to help out and take over alot of the responsibilities. The beginning of 2009 I became The (Volunteer) Volunteer Coordinator, I got to train new volunteers, do alot of scheduling, cleaning and just alot of the behind the scene stuff.
It really empowered me, the people who I became friends with were (and are) always there encouraging me, and really became my second family. It is a home to me, I got to the point that I would tell my friends "If you want to come see me and hangout, just come volunteer." So my friends got involved, and I made new friends.
I was there probably 6 days a week, The heartbeat of The Channel is just to be there for people. They now the power of music, That it can reach places that nothing else ever can. It is a Christian venue... But it is NEVER pushy, It has always been about loving people exactly where they are. It is such a beautiful and safe place to be.
I really cannot even begin to tell you how much this place, this family has and does mean to me. I have been through some of the hardest times in my life, while being there. And I always knew, I could call anyone of the wonderful people who worked along side of me, They have always been there loving me through it all.
Only a crazy person would volunteer for 3 years, sometimes 30 hours a week right?
But it has been the best thing I ever did.
God has continually shown his love, grace and provision.
And now The Channel is facing the huge risk of having to close their doors.
They have to raise 20,000 in 7 days.
Please please, look into your heart. Consider donating. Even if it is only $5 0r $10.
Greenville needs a safe non-alcoholic place where people of ALL ages can come and enjoy music together.
Earlier this morning Jay McAbee (He likes to call himself the holder of the keys, because Jesus is the owner) Sent this Message out:
Dear Channel Family,
Jay here. I just wanted to take a minute to share an urgent need with you. As you know we moved back to Downtown in June of 2010. It has been an exciting time, but it has also been a trying time. During start up in the new location, and with the projections we had for the restaurant, we hoped we would be in a much different place financially.
We have had several obstacles as we have moved forward with our vision for The Channel. For those of you who may not have had the chance to come to the new place yet, we have moved to a 14000 sq ft building in the heart of the city. Our renovations ended up costing more than we had planned for, as it always seems to happen that way. We opened Grille 33 on June 12th to help generate some cash flow as we continued to work on the venue. We had to be out of the old location on Orchard Park by the end of March meaning we were closed for almost three months between locations.
We had our first show at the end of July with Brian Head Welch. For those of you who are, and have been faithful supporters/concert goers, you must have noticed that our concert numbers haven’t been what they were at the old location. The reason for that is we needed to build another staircase to provide a second entrance/exit from the venue level. With that being said, we have taken a pretty hard blow financially. We went from doing 20 plus events a month to prior to this month only doing at the most 11 in any given month. The next part should be real easy to understand. Our expenses went up with the new location, but our show numbers went down. That can only do one thing, and that is create a gap.
As you all know, or should know by now, The Channel isn’t about Jay and Amanda McAbee. It’s about YOU! We exist as a place where everyone can feel like they are a part of the big picture. From the local opener that gets booked to play a show with their favorite National artist to the regular concertgoer. The Channel is here to meet many needs, and fill many voids in the community. The exciting part for us is meeting each and every one of you, and developing new relationships.
The Channel was actually started 15 yrs ago as The Carpenters Cellar. It was located in downtown, but in an underground location that was very small. My wife and I took it over 5 years ago with a new and fresh vision. We have grown, moved twice, and outgrown every location we have been in up to this point. With growth comes change, and with change comes responsibility. We opened Grille 33 as an attempt to help fund The Channel. Within the first several months of opening, we found ourselves in a tough place. The Channel is a 501(c)3 non-profit, but Grille 33 is for profit. The issue was that Grille 33 had only made about 20% of its projections from start up. There were factors that contributed to this that were out of our control. It forced us to shift our focus from The Channel to the Grille. We have worked very hard over the tough winter months to turn the Grille around and get it to turn a profit. Just to build your faith as you are reading this message, 3 months ago the Grille was over $33000 in the negative. Today it is now starting to turn a profit. The turn around for the Grille has been an awesome testimony of faith, and a belief that anything is possible if you just believe.
The last week of December we got a donation to build the staircase that I mentioned. We worked so hard to turn the Grille around that The Channel had taken a back seat. The staircase was started in January, and I have started booking heavily again. We had 26 events this month alone, and I have dates booked out into June already. Events in March include 5 dates with National artists. One big one is March 25th with Brian Head Welch returning to The Channel for a second time.
What we have at The Channel is something very special. It’s a place to connect, to build relationships, to have accountability, a place to belong. Being a non-profit, we have weathered the storms of financial struggle with fundraising, and donations, which leads me to the hard question: does The Channel mean something special to you?
If so we need your help. We need to raise $20,000 in the next seven days. I know I may have just lost some of you, but hear me out first. We have 737 followers of our group on Facebook. What we have is strength in numbers. If everyone would get involved we could meet this need with no problem. If all 737 people donated $27 we would meet our need or if only 200 of you gave $100. It’s a small request to make if you believe in The Channel.
The reality is The Channel is not just a cool place to go see a show, or to hang with friends. Don’t get me wrong, it totally is that, but it’s more. It’s a story of Faith, a belief that, “All things are possible.” We could’ve never made it this far without YOU. I hope every person that reads this will consider how he or she could help. Please don’t just read this and say, “someone else will do it”, because what if they don’t. I’ve never sent a message like this before, so please understand the need is real. I can’t say what will happen if people don’t respond, but I can say our future is bright if you do.
Thanks for your time and consideration,
Jay
How to give:
Come to The Channel
Call the Channel 552-1945
Send it in the mail:
The Channel
221 North Main Street
Greenville, SC 29601
Through Paypal via:
http://followmegreenville.blogspot.com/p/how-to-give.html
Please include your name, address, email/phone number if you would like a tax deductible receipt.
You can also read a little more at http://www.followmegreenville.blogspot.com/
Let's please get the word out!
Let's save The Channel!!!
I got involved because I loved music, and had alot friends who played there.
I started volunteering back in 2008, I was poor and couldn't afford to be there as much as I wanted to. So I started volunteering and running the coffee bar.
I was there probably twice a week almost immediately. I just loved the people and atmosphere, as I spent more and more time it very quickly became a second home to me.
It was an incredible time, as I started helping Amanda was going back to work. It just ended up being a seamless transition of me being able to help out and take over alot of the responsibilities. The beginning of 2009 I became The (Volunteer) Volunteer Coordinator, I got to train new volunteers, do alot of scheduling, cleaning and just alot of the behind the scene stuff.
It really empowered me, the people who I became friends with were (and are) always there encouraging me, and really became my second family. It is a home to me, I got to the point that I would tell my friends "If you want to come see me and hangout, just come volunteer." So my friends got involved, and I made new friends.
I was there probably 6 days a week, The heartbeat of The Channel is just to be there for people. They now the power of music, That it can reach places that nothing else ever can. It is a Christian venue... But it is NEVER pushy, It has always been about loving people exactly where they are. It is such a beautiful and safe place to be.
I really cannot even begin to tell you how much this place, this family has and does mean to me. I have been through some of the hardest times in my life, while being there. And I always knew, I could call anyone of the wonderful people who worked along side of me, They have always been there loving me through it all.
Only a crazy person would volunteer for 3 years, sometimes 30 hours a week right?
But it has been the best thing I ever did.
God has continually shown his love, grace and provision.
And now The Channel is facing the huge risk of having to close their doors.
They have to raise 20,000 in 7 days.
Please please, look into your heart. Consider donating. Even if it is only $5 0r $10.
Greenville needs a safe non-alcoholic place where people of ALL ages can come and enjoy music together.
Earlier this morning Jay McAbee (He likes to call himself the holder of the keys, because Jesus is the owner) Sent this Message out:
Dear Channel Family,
Jay here. I just wanted to take a minute to share an urgent need with you. As you know we moved back to Downtown in June of 2010. It has been an exciting time, but it has also been a trying time. During start up in the new location, and with the projections we had for the restaurant, we hoped we would be in a much different place financially.
We have had several obstacles as we have moved forward with our vision for The Channel. For those of you who may not have had the chance to come to the new place yet, we have moved to a 14000 sq ft building in the heart of the city. Our renovations ended up costing more than we had planned for, as it always seems to happen that way. We opened Grille 33 on June 12th to help generate some cash flow as we continued to work on the venue. We had to be out of the old location on Orchard Park by the end of March meaning we were closed for almost three months between locations.
We had our first show at the end of July with Brian Head Welch. For those of you who are, and have been faithful supporters/concert goers, you must have noticed that our concert numbers haven’t been what they were at the old location. The reason for that is we needed to build another staircase to provide a second entrance/exit from the venue level. With that being said, we have taken a pretty hard blow financially. We went from doing 20 plus events a month to prior to this month only doing at the most 11 in any given month. The next part should be real easy to understand. Our expenses went up with the new location, but our show numbers went down. That can only do one thing, and that is create a gap.
As you all know, or should know by now, The Channel isn’t about Jay and Amanda McAbee. It’s about YOU! We exist as a place where everyone can feel like they are a part of the big picture. From the local opener that gets booked to play a show with their favorite National artist to the regular concertgoer. The Channel is here to meet many needs, and fill many voids in the community. The exciting part for us is meeting each and every one of you, and developing new relationships.
The Channel was actually started 15 yrs ago as The Carpenters Cellar. It was located in downtown, but in an underground location that was very small. My wife and I took it over 5 years ago with a new and fresh vision. We have grown, moved twice, and outgrown every location we have been in up to this point. With growth comes change, and with change comes responsibility. We opened Grille 33 as an attempt to help fund The Channel. Within the first several months of opening, we found ourselves in a tough place. The Channel is a 501(c)3 non-profit, but Grille 33 is for profit. The issue was that Grille 33 had only made about 20% of its projections from start up. There were factors that contributed to this that were out of our control. It forced us to shift our focus from The Channel to the Grille. We have worked very hard over the tough winter months to turn the Grille around and get it to turn a profit. Just to build your faith as you are reading this message, 3 months ago the Grille was over $33000 in the negative. Today it is now starting to turn a profit. The turn around for the Grille has been an awesome testimony of faith, and a belief that anything is possible if you just believe.
The last week of December we got a donation to build the staircase that I mentioned. We worked so hard to turn the Grille around that The Channel had taken a back seat. The staircase was started in January, and I have started booking heavily again. We had 26 events this month alone, and I have dates booked out into June already. Events in March include 5 dates with National artists. One big one is March 25th with Brian Head Welch returning to The Channel for a second time.
What we have at The Channel is something very special. It’s a place to connect, to build relationships, to have accountability, a place to belong. Being a non-profit, we have weathered the storms of financial struggle with fundraising, and donations, which leads me to the hard question: does The Channel mean something special to you?
If so we need your help. We need to raise $20,000 in the next seven days. I know I may have just lost some of you, but hear me out first. We have 737 followers of our group on Facebook. What we have is strength in numbers. If everyone would get involved we could meet this need with no problem. If all 737 people donated $27 we would meet our need or if only 200 of you gave $100. It’s a small request to make if you believe in The Channel.
The reality is The Channel is not just a cool place to go see a show, or to hang with friends. Don’t get me wrong, it totally is that, but it’s more. It’s a story of Faith, a belief that, “All things are possible.” We could’ve never made it this far without YOU. I hope every person that reads this will consider how he or she could help. Please don’t just read this and say, “someone else will do it”, because what if they don’t. I’ve never sent a message like this before, so please understand the need is real. I can’t say what will happen if people don’t respond, but I can say our future is bright if you do.
Thanks for your time and consideration,
Jay
How to give:
Come to The Channel
Call the Channel 552-1945
Send it in the mail:
The Channel
221 North Main Street
Greenville, SC 29601
Through Paypal via:
http://followmegreenville.blogspot.com/p/how-to-give.html
Please include your name, address, email/phone number if you would like a tax deductible receipt.
You can also read a little more at http://www.followmegreenville.blogspot.com/
Let's please get the word out!
Let's save The Channel!!!
Monday, February 21, 2011
No sleep for you!
This week has been one of very very little sleep.
Last Sunday I had nightmares all night long, and haven't slept much since then.
It is strange the effects that not sleeping have on you.
It heightens every thought, every emotion, every annoyance.
I hate it.
My brain refuses to function, It is a good thing that my job is one of repetition because otherwise I would not be able to make it through.
It is making the many things I need to be planning for much harder.
But I am just trying to push through, continually lying in bed for hours.
and at some point, I will wake up renewed and refreshed.
Last Sunday I had nightmares all night long, and haven't slept much since then.
It is strange the effects that not sleeping have on you.
It heightens every thought, every emotion, every annoyance.
I hate it.
My brain refuses to function, It is a good thing that my job is one of repetition because otherwise I would not be able to make it through.
It is making the many things I need to be planning for much harder.
But I am just trying to push through, continually lying in bed for hours.
and at some point, I will wake up renewed and refreshed.
Time Away
Right before Thanksgiving, my computer died.
And seeing that I had just taken two marvelous weeks off for vacation, there was no way I could afford to replace it. Incredibly... and kind of strangely I didn't mind. I think my biggest worry was (and still is) the possibility that I might have lost all of our vacation pictures.
It was difficult at first, I had all of this extra time on my hands. I still had the limited connection of internet to my phone which gave me enough connection to my family and friends that I didn't feel completely lost.
But as the days went on, I started doing some of the things I continually put off.
I did some decorating in my room... trying to make this place that I live in "home", I didn't really succeed... But atleast I don't HATE it anymore.
I started doing things again... studying and creating and becoming.
It has been good, but I am glad to be back... I prefer typing to writing, so I can now get my thoughts out again. And I have my music back.
That is good, Now just praying that my hard-drive didn't lose those pictures!
One day I hope and plan to share them with you.
And seeing that I had just taken two marvelous weeks off for vacation, there was no way I could afford to replace it. Incredibly... and kind of strangely I didn't mind. I think my biggest worry was (and still is) the possibility that I might have lost all of our vacation pictures.
It was difficult at first, I had all of this extra time on my hands. I still had the limited connection of internet to my phone which gave me enough connection to my family and friends that I didn't feel completely lost.
But as the days went on, I started doing some of the things I continually put off.
I did some decorating in my room... trying to make this place that I live in "home", I didn't really succeed... But atleast I don't HATE it anymore.
I started doing things again... studying and creating and becoming.
It has been good, but I am glad to be back... I prefer typing to writing, so I can now get my thoughts out again. And I have my music back.
That is good, Now just praying that my hard-drive didn't lose those pictures!
One day I hope and plan to share them with you.
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