Today I got a comment on my old blog from last year.
It was so weird, I haven't thought about that blog in forever. to be honest I forgot I had one.
and definitely forgot what I had posted on there.
It was from back last November when I was spiritually fighting for my life.
gosh, that was such a hard 3 monthes, I cried so much just search, trying to find myself and to find God.
I really started thinking about, and I am not sure I am at a better place now then I was back then.
I may not feel as forgotten. but I am back into my weird what is the point phase.
I don't know, maybe it is the rain or the fact that I am sitting alone again listening to music that is probably not helping my mood. but atleast it makes me feel like I am not alone.
I want things to make sense. when I think about it I feel like everyone else is moving on
they all have new and exciting prospects on the line.
And I am just stuck.
I like my life.
but I am tired of feeling that everyone is moving forward but me.
I feel insecure, and wondering what is all about
when will it be my time?
when will I be able to rest?
As one of the songs that I have been listening to says...
"We'll sleep, We'll sleep, we'll sleep when we die"
Last night I started reading through a book I bought at the Spartanburg Library sale ... How Can I Find God. It is a compilation of answers to that questions by people from all walks of life from theologians to school children.
ReplyDeleteBut this morning, I stumbled across a quote from the recent Emergent Village Theology conference with Jurge Moltmann, "I did not find God ... God found me" Maybe it's not about the searching? I don't know. It just encouraged me this morning.
I love you.